Obsessed With Being Perfect.

In my mind, I define the perfect women as skinny, fit, beautiful, with a wonderful personality. That is what I wan’t to be. Shallow, I know. A few years back I lost my best friend, lets call him James. He was the first person I actually believed I loved. Ever since he broke my heart and went off with a skinny, gorgeous girl… I mean she was super tiny… I looked like some rare species of whale compared to her. At first I did not let that get to me. In college, I met this one guy…he was an athlete.. Andrew, he denied me right away because I wasn’t the skinniest of girls in my school. I decided then that I would put my foot down, and I did. I’ve lost 50 pounds that I honestly didn’t really need to lose. I’m still trying to lose another 20. I feel good, but I have no confidence. My confidence grows the more I lose the weight. It’s stupid because beauty is truly on the inside, rather than the outside. But seriously, the dream guys we go for like Andrew for example, they don’t go for the plain Janes. They go for the Victoria’s Secret Super Model type. Not saying I want to be a model or anything, but tell me how once I lost those 50 pounds, Andrew all of a sudden started to notice me. Guys.. wow, they are truly the shallow ones. Because of all this I’ve become consumed with losing weight and becoming “perfect.” I’m sure some of you girls can relate to this… don’t even deny it. If you’re one to put on make up before work, or class, whatever… you care about what people think about you. It’s human nature. The point is, I want confidence. & in my mind, the only way I can get it, is to become perfect. Physically and mentally.

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